Updated: Feb 18, 2019
Just poop. Ugh. Really?! If it were only that easy.
When people ask me why I have trouble eating, I tell them i’m constipated, there is no room and usually leave it at that. They usually respond with one of the following… 1. Just go poop. 2. Or they share their medical expertise by recommending some kind of laxative.
I smile and respond with, “I wish I could” when what I really want to do is light bag of dog shit and set it on their front porch. Kidding. Kind’ve.
While I have dealt with constipation since the day I was born, it has progressively gotten worse over the years. In October 2016 it started causing some serious issues.
In an effort to figure out what is going on, here is a lovely description of my life with GI issues over the last few months. You’re welcome.
Countless nights in the bathroom; I should really put a bed in there.
Regurgitation and vomiting.
Periods of malnutrition.
Fifteen pound weight loss and gain.
Heatpads, heatpads, heatpads.
Bloating and feeling toxic.
Limited food intake.
Days of doing just liquids.
I’ve had so many fingers and probes in my bum I can’t even count. I get “plugged” when they fill me with barium paste before a testing procedure because my pelvic floor doesn't have the strength to keep all the contents in and they don’t want barium spilling all over the floor. (WOW, I just told the world that. Classy, Kirsten.) I’ve sat on a commode on top of an x-ray machine and had to try and produce a BM right there in front of nurses, radiology technicians and a doctor who was literally three inches from my face. He’s reading a monitor and looking me in the eye saying “you can do it” as I push my little heart out while trying not to make all those grunting sounds we so often laugh about.
While I sit here and look back on it, it’s embarrassing. Completely embarrassing. But in the moment, I didn’t give a damn. I just wanted to know what was going on and to feel better. It’s their job. I don’t know how they do it, but they never once made it feel like I was taking a shit in front of an audience. They were like a personal cheer squad for my bowels. I wonder if they have to go to cheer school to get their jobs. Kidding.
I now have a new “appointment goal”. You know, one of those things you vocalize at the beginning of an appointment when the physician asks, “what would you like to see come from this appointment today”? My answer, “No more things in my bum, please”.
I’m severely constipated. The longest i’ve gone is 17 days. My average is 10 - 12 days. I take medication to “help” me have a BM. I use the highest dose available of a prescription medication for constipation twice daily. I also use a stool softener once a day. I’m still constipated. We add Mirilax and Glycerin Suppositories. I’m still constipated. We increase Mirilax and/or add Dulcolox. I’m still constipated. I have taken narcotics off and on for many years, they don’t seem to affect my GI. I have been off them for almost two months. I’m still constipated. Last resort is either an enema or magnesium citrate; whichever I have the energy for.
So what the heck is wrong? We will save that for tomorrow.
Happy Pooping, Friends! Please celebrate that you can!
Remember, "Count your Rainbows, not your Thunderstorms!"