last year
Is exactly what it is...
last year
While I'm so happy that it is in my past, I will also hang on to it as the most groundbreaking year of my life.I can't fully express the shifts that have taken place but I am beyond grateful for it all.
All of it.
The struggle.
The pain.
The happiness.
The moments of learning.
The guilt.
The strength.
The courage.
The heartache.
The friendships.
The tears.
The accomplishments.
All of it will never be forgotten. This time last year, I was sitting in a hotel room in Rochester at Mayo Clinic.
I announced that I would be uploading every day during the month of May for EDS awareness month; I did.This is what I posted:
I DIDN’T COME TO MAYO TO “GET BETTER”
Here we are…headed for round two of many trips to Mayo.
Another week of answers.
Another week of being cared for by some of the best.
“You’re gonna get better, Kirsten!”
“They are going to help you to a speedy recovery.”
Nope! You’re wrong. Wrong indeed.
I am not going to get better.
My illness lives with me for the rest of my life.
It also brings along many of the other co-morbid illnesses with it.
I am not going to get better.
However, I am hoping to see some improvement. I am hoping to be given a treatment plan that will allow me to be able to live my life to the fullest. I am hoping to be given a team of doctors who will fight for my health. But mostly, I am hoping that those who surround me will understand that this is my life; my illness exists and it isn’t going anywhere.
Remember, "Count your Rainbows, not your Thunderstorms".
xoxo
Kirsten 💕
Today, this still holds true.
Except...I truly believe it is possible for me to live an illness free life someday.
I am not "healed" but I am "healing".
I may battle multiple chronic illness every day.
But what I do have now is a life.
A way to cope and work around all the confusion.
I can get out of bed.
I can exercise.
I can drive.
I can grocery shop.
I can clean the house.
I can travel.
I can eat.
I can poop.
The list goes on.
Honestly when I look back at my life this time last year I can't fully wrap my head around it.
I have come so far.
So damn far.
& today, I'm just thankful.
Really, super-duper thankful.
To have been placed in the right hands.
To have doctors who are honest with me.
To have doctors who allow me to choose my care path and aid me along the way.
To have caregivers who understand my wishes for my life.
This whole change-your-life lifestyle is hard.
You need those around you to be on board. To participate.
Otherwise, you will get sucked into that dark hole again.
Find what works for you and do it.
Eliminate what doesn't help you evolve.
NO BAD VIBES. I will not be uploading every day this month.
But I do have some awesome shit coming for you.
SO.
PLEASE.
GET.
READY.
AND.
BE.
PATIENT.
THIS.
SUMMER.
IS.
MY.
SUMMER.
I do want to recognize that it is EDS Awareness Month.
To those of you with EDS or chronic illness in general:
You are a warrior.
Life is hard when you're struggling.
I get it.
Do you; put you first.
Don't get caught up in the opinions of others.
Live your life to the fullest.
Be grateful every day.
Keep trying everything until you find what helps you thrive.
It is out there.
Every body is different.
Keep slaying your days.
You are a miracle.
You are strong.
You are capable.
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are you.
xoxo
Kirsten
JUST A TIP: Every day the first thing I say to myself and the last thing I say to myself is "you are enough and you do enough". Find a phrase that speaks to you and use it obsessively.
You know all those things our mind tells us we are doing wrong, etc? Well, we start to believe them after awhile. Replace them with something positive. Tell yourself everyday.
Eventually, you will believe it.
I'm not there yet, but I get closer every day.